Look at Me, Don't Look at Me

I've been thinking a lot lately about personal looks and its connection with fashion and so have a lot of bloggers too.  Some people have the advantage of striking resemblances to models that though they doth protest, in my opinion helps a great deal in their ability to wear certain outfits.  Some have a penchant for the jolie laide (ugly pretty) features that work for them much better than being picture perfect. 

This may be a deep and personal ride but I'll throw it out anyway on the chance that people will sort of see where I'm coming from and not laugh, deride or hurl abuse (ok...so those things are a given on the blog anyway...).  Let's just say me and my looks aren't exactly best friends.  Being taunted for being ugly at school didn't help.  Having quite frankly some horrific teen years including highlights such as being called an 'ugly moose' online by a former crush also didn't aid the cause.  So I resigned myself to accepting that whilst I may be very good at say baking a banana cake, I'm just not aesthetically good looking.  The smiley positive people will argue 'No!  Every person is beautiful in their own way.'  But there it is.  The added 'in their own way'.  I think we are adult enough to accept that not everyone is born with the beauty genes. 

Therefore I pride myself on skills and attributes that go deeper than the skin but having zero confidence in the skin can sometimes cause barriers.  My head-over-heels, delve-right-in, get-stuck-in love of fashion wasn't initially hampered by my utter lack of confidence, correction, regard for my looks.  In some ways, I think it might have helped me escape into a world where I could fool myself into thinking that as long as I clothed myself in beauty (ok..so some of my outfits aren't beauty incarnate but they are conscientiously considered and born out of a passion...), what my face looked like might not matter so much.  Sad but true, but there you go, 14-15 year olds have funny notions in their heads. 

The ugly truth: Susie Bubble's love of fashion was born out of the ugly.  Snappy headline, eh?  Fast forward to the present and you'll find someone still growing into their skin with past horrors still knawing away despite having people telling you differently (that would be Mr Bubble) and that does matter a great deal.  Yet somehow, those old monsters will occasionally rear their ugly (operative word huh?) heads and hiss away at you 'What makes you think you can pull off that top?  Just you remember what they called you in primary school...'  So very occasionally, it does hamper my fashion choices. 

I don't always have 100% conviction in what I wear precisely because those past monsters will come and haunt me every now and again.  I'm deeply passionate and act on whimsy and desire with my style yet probably the one thing holding me back is my ability to be 100% comfortable in my own skin.  To illustrate, whilst I have no shame about photographing my outfits in all their various mishapen stages and developments, the camera stays firmly over my face.  It's an open invite to view my love of fashion and how I express that in my style but I'm also saying 'Look at the outfit.... not the face...'.

Reading about jolie laide made me think of those that I admire style-wise that have jolie laide features: Carine Roitfeld and her strong brows, the late Isabella Blow and her pronounced teeth, Anna Piaggi's smallish eyes, Lou Doillon's wide mouth, it should hit me in a Eureka moment that just maybe that I could be of the jolie laide ilk too!  Perhaps that realisation will come later but for now, it's still growing pains and you will never know how fashion saved me from depths so low that it verges onto uncomfortable blog subject matter.

I highly anticipate many comments of there being no correlation between how one looks and how one dresses but I'm just presenting a personal experience that I still grapple with and as this blog has been known to muse pointlessly, I hope there has been no offense caused. 

Comments

[Lily]

you've bloomed into a beautiful flower...thanks for inspiring me with your creative and lovely outfits!

[Chic Looks]

I can relate to many of the points you made: firstly, I love baking banana cakes, I even put it in my personal statement (hehe) and I still always think that as long as I dressed well that no one will really make comments about my face, I think over the few years fashion has somehow given me a little more confidence than I used to have (thanks to the plastic girls from yr 7-9).

Regardless of your confidence in your skin, I think you should be very proud of all youve achieved and a big "LOSER" sign to all those old monsters.

[DJM]

Oh crikey! I've always felt like you about my own face, hence the reason the Irina comparisons are very, very hard to digest and accept.
I used to envy traditionally beautiful people as I could see they got an easier ride in life, it's sad but true, but now I'm much older I accept what I have been given. Them's the breaks as they say. I now look at myself differently - as I said in my article, I see my father's face in mine, which is important to me since it's a way to keep his memory alive, and I see my mother, who I may loose, and seeing her smile in my smile makes me more accepting of my looks too.
If someone were to say "here you go Michelle, have Ms Jolie's face", I can't honestly say I wouldn't think about it, but since that isn't going to happen, I have learned to accept my odd little face! I look at you and wish for your youthful glow and clear, smooth skin which I too once had 10 years ago.
People like us, we just develop other ways to make our mark, and clearly yours is fashion.

[sammi]

i was the 'pancake face child' and still get constantly compared to my little sis who is 'Miss HK material' apparently.
Yet I still cherish the fleeting moments in the morning when I've accomplished a nice outfit and left the house with confidence and also the 'ahem' 'moments' with the boy when he makes you feel super special.
Cherish and collect together your little moments of confidence <3

[Thomas]

I suppose this explains why your pictures rarely show your face.

As a man I know I've had a very different experience regarding my appearance than young women; having said that, I too experienced some fairly low lows during my developmental years. Some of that came with being one of the few Chinese people in my Montreal neighbourhood. When I moved to Vancouver it was a revelation to see so many Asian faces - revelation too in that I only then learned that my mom is from Scotland, making me...gasp...Eurasian.

Convential beauty bores me to tears. Samantha Morton over Jessica Biel anyday I say. And while I understand, in part, why the idea of conventional beauty weighs heavily on many women's minds, I have to say that I am generally confused by it. It strikes me as similar to Jonathan Lethem feeling less of a writer because Dan Brown sells millions of copies more than he does, or Wes Anderson less of a film maker because Brett Ratner grosses more money with one movie than all of Anderson's movies combined.

And yes, my choices are deliberate. The conventional, majority opinion of beauty also loves X-Men 3 and reads The DaVinci Code.

I say, it's high time that the opinions of people like me started taking precedence over the opinions of people like Paris Hilton. In fact, why is my opinion even treated like an opinion but Glamour magazine treated like fact? If I say the woman I love is beautiful, then is she not beautiful? And who is there to correct me?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/onegoodtum/334774707/in/set-72157594442118984/

I'm glad you've found the courage to dress as you want, and to find a mode of expression in fashion you feel you've been denied in the past. Again, as a man I simply have to wear a tie and some interesting shoes to be considered avant garde (at least here in Canada).

Also - whoever called you an "ugly moose" is an idiot. And probably has terrible body odour.

[lady coveted]

oh my, i do believe accepting your looks some sort of spiritual hump, like coming to terms with your parents or accepting mortality.

once i was told by a boy i really liked, that there were two girls who liked him, and it was very hard to decide between the pretty one, or the fun one... and he chose me because i was fun.

he said that *argh* 13 years ago, and i still refuse to place myself in the 'pretty' category by genetic right. i do however have come to terms with my looks, mostly because i try to act like i am a beautiful woman, and more often than not people treat me as such.

so genetic beauty may exist, but i feel that it lags behind the beauty from within.
: )

[burd]

well, i hope i don't come off as placating but my 15 year old daughter thinks you are beautiful. and that makes me very happy. i'd much rather she appreciate the unique beauty over the generic beauty such as the olsen twins anyday.

[rollergirl]

Great and brave post Susie. And good timing as I have to take part in a presentation on 'What is Beauty?' on Thursday!! I look forward to all the other comments...

[anna]

I can really connect to what you are saying. Well I've had more guys out in the open say i'm ugly, but girls don't call me ugly. But the only reason girls don't think I'm physically ugly is b/c I dress really nice!

[tricia]

hoo boy, can i ever relate.

i knew i was different, called ugly by lots of pre-teen boys in grade school.

eventually i sort of learned to hobble along with all my imperfections, though i haven't completely accepted them.

but i figure...i may not be the most beautiful, but i have style. i have substance, intelligence, and wit. i'd rather have those things define me than be beautiful but shallow or brainless.

you, susie, also have the aforementioned attributes, in spades. you also are the most fearless fashionista i know. the fact that even you sometimes censor yourself makes me like you that much more. it shows that you are sensitive and real...and that, my dear, makes you more beautiful than any fashion model.

just ask mr. bubble. i'm guessing he probably agrees.

:)

About the jolie laide thing...I'm a believer that having one feature which isn't "classical" or whatever you call it, doesn't make you ugly...often I even don't notice it until other people point it out if someone looks like that. Beauty is a really complex thing. Also, I never thought you were ugly...

[marie]

i dont think we should go around saying - I prefer perfect beauties or I prefer les jolies laides.. what makes beauty so desirable and intriguing is the balance between the two isnt it? Like you need to be able to appreciate one to appreciate the other.

I dont think there is one woman who is perfectly happy with the way she looks- we did a survey in class - three said they were really happy and it was obvious that one of them was lying (long story)..

What makes it really hard is that everyone will offer different opinions because its so subjective. Some are being honest, some are just trying to keep you happy. I have the same problem with my weight. People tell me Im tall enough, Will lose it when im 23, Im fine, Its pretty to have nice rosy cheeks etc etc.. Im not fine with it, but having had an eating disorder prevents me from losing weight for health and torments me all the time. (But its very interesting to have inside knowledge when studying theory as a fashion student. )
I think everyone has to come to terms with their 'flaws' - in their own time.. eventually .

sorry - again i am prone to little spiels..
P.S
and I reckon susie looks a little like david bowie in the second photo with that expression .. (and I love David Bowie!)

[cc]

you probably have a lot more confidence than you give yourself credit for! not many people are brave enough to open up about cringe-worthy personal experiences or post their faces on the internet for anyone to judge. and i think it's precisely because you seem so comfortable with yourself that your blog is such a pleasure to read.
ive had my fair share of dodgy experiences where my face is concerned but i think ive finally reached a certain level of satisfaction now that ive found a comfortable style for myself. and at least we girls can always tweeze and wax and make-up ourselves towards beauty unlike our male counterparts.
we have a word for jolie laide in japanese too, haha: busukawa.

[WendyB]

Isn't that why a LOT of us love fashion and style? Anyone can create a style for his/her self...it's not something you have to be born with. And it lasts a lot longer.

[Lucy]

I personally think you look loads prettier than corey kennedy- I remember one picture you posted of you smiling holding your boyfriends hand... you are stunning. I would kill to have lips like yours

[mary]

it really touches me that you wrote this, because as a fifteen year old girl i have made those same justifications to myself that if i have beautiful, interesting clothes then my actual face won't have to matter so much.

[Mingming]

Maybe I just have a poor sense of aesthetic, but I honestly do find you pretty Susie, or perhaps prettily cute (I somehow seem to think cute is more fitting because you have a cute mouth and cheeks o.o)

But I also find it interesting that your passion for clothing arose out of a feeling of ugliness, and you used your sense of style to overshadow your doubts about your physical attributes. Because having that same feelings for myself, I've always avoided pretty clothing because I've always in some way felt not pretty enough to wear it...

[j]

Bubble! Stop it.

[melz]

you said you pride yourself on attributes and skills that go deeper than the skin. I think you have a lot to be proud of. very insightful post, you are certainly very eloquent and articulate.

[leah]

i think you touched upon something really important and relevant to a lot of your readers. its great for you to be so honest about your relationship w/ur physicality with us, thats something really rare in this industry.

i think you can look at feeling of inadequacy and the yearning for beauty as what drives a lot of people into the fashion industry. jean-paul gaultier has always felt like his looks were substandard, and isabella blow felt ugly herself. I'm a fashion design student and i have my own insecurities.

not that its relevant and it wont change a bit of your opinion about yourself, i think youre pretty darn attractive and your bf is a lucky fella to have such a hot smartie.

[myriam]

I think you are certainly not the only one who has had the feelings you described in your post, but I think those feelings are sometimes necessary. It personnally made me want to be different from these people since I couldn't look like them neways and the truth is with the time people bloom and become much more interesting than the little blond girl that called you names when you were younger. If in your case you have escaped in fashion and in your fantasies, I think it made you develop something amazing. I think only that should give you the courage and confidence to stand out for who you are. I really realted to what you wrote in this post, it is somtimes hard to express these things with words.

[Ebony]

Thank you so much for this post! I can completely relate.

All through my early schooling i was taunted for being fat and ugly. Since then I've spent the best part of 10 years hating myself and (for a few years there) barely eating.

I think my interest in fashion was born out of the idea that I'd feel less ugly if my clothes were nice.

Only now I'm starting to come to terms with the idea that I am not gorgeous, but then again i'm not ugly. I'm just me and I shouldn't want to change that.

I still have some really bad days, or moments, like last night when I saw some photos from a recent party and told myself I looked hideous. But then somedays I'm kind to myself and manage to feel good about the way I look. More often than not I have to remind myself that my mind (and not my body) plays the biggest part in how I feel.

I think I'll always struggle with the way I look, but hopefully it will get easier as i learn to accept myself for who I am.

Beauty is so subjective anyway. I think both Lily Cole and Irina are gorgeous, whilst my sister thinks their both "hideous" to quote her.

And just last night my mum referred to Gemma Ward as that "weird alien like model."

I myself can't stand many of the media proclaimed "beautifuls" (angelina jolie, megan gale, jennifer hawkins (last two are aussies and seem to be in every single australian magazine these past few months) i don't know how big they are overseas)

A few people have told me I look like Mischa Barton recently, (i don't, i think we just have noses and hair is similiar) and i was like "Nooo, i'm far to hideous. She's beautiful and look at me: I have this weird upturned nose." Then I saw an article where she said she felt this exact way about her nose.

I laughed so hard when I read that because all these years spent hating my nose (among other things) and yet here is someone who feels the same way, who is not ugly at all.
It just made me realise how much I'd ingrained in my head that this particular feature was hideous. To the point that I couldn't see the truth - that it wasn't as bad as all that.

Hmm, I'm sorry if this is a rambling post. I guess I don't really have a point. I just wanted to contribute to the post as I can relate so strongly to everything you said.

[julia]

to be honest, you've never struck me as ugly. sure, you might not be the next face of loreal, but you're adorable all the same!

i think the interesting thing about beauty is that it really is rather subjective. I was never called ugly, per se, however i was never one of the "pretty" girls. while i might not be the prettiest person ever, it's quite simple to give the impression of being pretty by, excuse the cliche, a good personality.

I agree with the people before me who said that a sense of style was preferrable to good looks. good looks guarentee nothing- a good looking person could still have the ugliest personality ever or just be unbeleivably dull. However, having style and creativity, not to mention an attractive personality is going to ensure an interesting, vibrant life.

would i rather be ugly with good style or beautiful and devoid of a personality? definitly the former.

[Natasha]

Style Bubble, you've been tagged!

I've been tagged by fashion blogger Lavish Magazine and I was asked to tag 7 bloggers to share info about themselves with their readers. Check out Fashionalities for details.

Tasha
Fashionalities
www.fashionalities.blogspot.com

[Soleil Noir]

The fashion industry is shallow in so many ways but there is most certainly a different and much wider aesthetic than that of the general public. Look at the popular models right now, like Coca Rocha, Sasha P, Irina L, and Gemma. Designers and fashion lovers may fawn over them but to "everyone else" these girls are deemed bizarre-looking, even unattractive. In the end, beauty may never have a consensual interpretation but hey, wouldn't it be a bore if we all looked the same? Good post!

[Michael]

Hey leng lui, are you sor sor dei?

I know this girl in real life and she's one of the most beautiful people I know. When we're in HK, literally guys just gawp at her.
The beautiful thing about Susie is that she has no fucking clue how beautiful she is.

[call me your sugar]

I loved this column, because for me clothes and fashion were always a way to be beautiful too; to try and put something on the outside of my thoughts and my creativity and wrap myself in beautiful things so it didn't matter that I was at best cute, probably plain, and at worst odd-looking.

it's a blessing and a curse though, because as much as beautiful things and fun outfits make me feel gorgeous, there are always things that I Can't Wear (probably in my own mind) because I feel like I have to hide my body, or that my face isn't beautiful enough to get away with it.

I'm still hoping there's an age where that insecurity starts to turn into being content with how I look ... in the meantime I'm craving banana cake. crrraving.

[tama]

i think you're beautiful.
period.
c:

[Emilie]

I agree with Leah : fashion is born from dissatisfaction and creativity. It's the story of the crow wanting to wear the peacock dress.
If everybody felt beautiful then we'd all dress in the same boring way -just look at the models backstage, usually it's just tees niand jeans, only a few of them care about what they wear.
Now as for feeling ugly, that's also what makes a person get better, smarter, more fun and what-have-you. I think most successful people today used to be ugly -or at least never counted too much on their looks.
And then one day you wake up, and you realize that on top of having become a good, intelligent and stylish person, you've got that glow that people call 'beauty' too.
I hope that day's soon for you.

[Joyce]

I think everybody strugles with his or her body once in a while. I first like to say that you aren't ugly at all and that you might not look like euhm.. let's say: Kate Moss (the name is used to much, I know), but who DOES look like her (except her). There always be the lucky ones with that perfect body and the perfect face, but we are who we are and we cant change it. I'm most of the time a bit weird about myself, there are times that i think: God! You dont look that bad, youre hot! And there are times that I think: No, I want to stay in bed, I just look to bad. Susie, just remember that Mr Bubble doesnt say the oppisite, because he loves you, but he'll probarly mean it.

[Claire]

lovely post and just love the French for having the term Jolie Laide. I always feel more confident in Paris just because I think well, they might think I am (jolie laide) and appreciate it! I do believe that there is beauty in having a so called "flaw" - much more interesting anyway, though I'm sure i didn't feel that way at 15...

[susie_bubble]

To all those who have contradicted by saying I'm beautiful, thank you, but the problem I guess still exists that there is no way of placating my head. 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' etc but you can't have people validating your looks by relying on their compliments (as lovely as they are!) as you have to believe it yourself. I guess that's the problem...

It's interesting how some people toiled away at fashion, got into fashion precisely because of insecurities in their looks like myself... it forms a world of escape. Yet for some people, fashion is fearsome because they fear their looks cannot carry off certain things. I think from a personal experience, I take a 'nothing to lose' approach. It's like 'Hey I can't look any worse than I do already so why not just play with style and not give a toss?'

DJM: Your face? Odd? Just no...

Sammi: I am THE pancake face and yes...having the boyf does help...

Thomas: Good point about our views on conventional beauty. Perhaps we take longer to accept that we are the Letham's and Anderson's in the world because aesthetic beauty is so in your face. It's what you confront first when you see a person. It is that initial impression. So in that respect, we do give it more importance than it should do.

Lady Coveted: Hehe...what if you're neither 'fun' nor 'pretty'? 'Think Beautiful' is something a lot of fashion personalities seem to project...

Burd: Please say thank you to your daughter...!

Anna: Yes, you are right that with style, that it is easy to give the impression of beauty.

Tricia: Mr Bubble does agree but I think I have to try and agree with him.... you're too kind btw!

Marie: There lies the crux...if beauty is so subjective then how is it that there is some sort of consensus as to what it is? P.S. David Bowie? That is pretty damn cool...scary that you think I look like him...but cool at the same time.

CC: I have no qualms about laying myself bare on the blog...I know it's not really a 'bubble' but I think of it as one so talking about things on a personal level is no biggie. But the issue here is not lack of confidence in general but, just about one's looks. Thanks for the Japanese jolie laide...

WendyB & Leah: Perhaps fashion is that thing you cultivate like other people develop a comediene's personality to compensate for other things.

Myriam: I'm glad you related and it's sort of odd here that convening here on a blog that basically talks about aesthetic beauty, we end up admitting that we don't feel so pretty on the inside but that we can overcome that.

Ebony: It wasn't rambling and it echoes what I said... only you've moved onto that stage of realisation where you're happy with your looks.

Julia: Don't get me wrong, I do pride myself on certain attributes. There are times though when you can't ignore the face you're born with.

Natasha: I'm so bad at this tagging thing.... will work on this one...

Soleil Noir: I think fashion does have the taste for the mis-aligned and 'alternative' as people wish to stand out.... I don't think I have that quirkiness either though...

Michael: They're gawping at my silver leggings!

Call me Sugar: I wouldn't let what you think about your looks hamper what you wear.... afterall, you said it...you get so much more fun out of fashion!

Emilie: I hope so too... it's weird still having growing pains whilst supposedly being an adult.

Joyce: That's the thing, I'm not aspiring to look like anyone else. By and large, I think I have sort have resigned myself to accepting what I've been given.

Claire: The notions of beauty in Paris do seem to be more complex. I love that too.

[Saskia]

well yeah, there definitely is a correlation between looks, dresses AND feelings as well! i experienced that during my teenage-years. i suffered from a rather nasty disease which made me look pretty pale. so i bought myself lipsticks in - now i think about it - really disgusting colours and spent a fortune on everything that created the impression that i was doing fine.
besides, i always felt kind of
stuck in my small, oh so boring hometown where everyone dressed and looked the same. so i dressed myself with enourmosly colourful clothes, mixing stripes with dots and dots with flowers (and my schoolmates dispised and laughed at me)... nowadays i laugh at me myself for it really was kind of emberassing.. but yeah, life and its experiences mirror your clothes.

[Jennie]

Suz, if I could meet any one person in the world, it wouldn't be Henry Holland or Amy Astley-- it would be you. You're one of those people who everyone can relate to in some way or another and I feel like I've known you for a long time from just reading your blog! I just started highschool two days ago, and being a freshman is tough- especially when there are those gorgeous, waif-like new girls. This post was just so uplifting and makes me realize that I'm not the only one that feels alienated by those pretty girls! But I've come to realize, that they only have one thing going for them..while people like you and I have things like wit, style, personality, smarts. Thanks for this post susie! You ARE beautiful

People tell me I'm pretty all the time, but I always tell them that if I do not wear the clothes I wear, they would never notice me. I'm not ugly but I'm not pretty either and I never wear make up. I have a big nose and my skin ain't perfect. Pretty girls in school like befriending me. They think I'm cool , I dress well...blah blah blah, but I could never be that close to them because I will never be that self assured and confident and fashion, for me, does not end in streetwear(mini skirt/jeans, tee shirt and some sexy glittery thing.)I'm really just a geek who dresses well.
I think I prefer being myself.

[lou]

thanks for making this post. Having been teased about my looks [mainly my red hair] since I can remember Im very uncomfortable with the way I look and that has stopped me from really wearing the clothes I like. I feel that I shouldnt draw attention to myself. Whenever I have the guts to try on something "different" in the changing room I always think "who are you kidding?" and walk away empty handed and deflated. Your blog is certainly inspiring me to be a little more bold with my style and the fact that you sometimes have the same insecurities that I have but still do your own thing is a boost to my self-confidence.

[faux faux real]

by the way. i think you are sooper cute. you have pale, pale skin, full lips, beautiful eyes, a cute heart-shaped face and great hair!!!

[maskedmannequin]

ahh i always thought you were really very atrractive and also assumed with that that you were confident about your looks! I guess everyone has insecurities..
used to have a similar thing with clothes-more a fear that people would stare if i wore something out of the ordinary n not wanting attention, that still lingers actually.. childhood experiences are always gonna stay with you..shame really.

had the same as the above post actually with the red hair comments, but now i'm kinda proud OF my red hair n like that i have something unusual. Kids are cruel, but
in the end it's all down to how you feel about yourself.

[abs]

susie susie, my heart ached reading this post. i read your blog regularly and never post- but i had to post this time. from your posts and pictures we all know you are an adorably cute fun girl whose great style and random ramblings brings joy to the computer screens of so many! plus you're just about the tallest chinese girl i've ever seen- at least head and shoulders taller than me, and you have really lovely coloring and a sweet face- dont let anyone tell you different.

[Una]

I met my best friend when I was 6, I actually went to speak to her because I thought she was so Pretty. And Yes, I grew up next To a blond Beauty, that type of beauty that "pleases all", that you can say to someone "I'm going to introduce you to a beautiful girl" and no one disagrees or gets disappointed. I guess growing up with her and being strange looking gave me against all odds a good idea of myself, I learned very young that classic beauty is only going to be to your advantage if you have spirit, that will not make you happier or more confortable with your skin.
Susie you may not be the prettiest girl out there( but you are far from Ugly also whatever that is) but you are rich in creativity, in ideas,you are always discovering, your life is full of small wonderful things that you share with us, and that as a person makes you desirable, makes you beautiful and complete. And this is not a methaphor, the right people, who cares about the others anyway, will really SEE it like that.

[anca]

It's amazing how many people can relate to the whole "beautiful/ugly" issue. It took me years to get used to my looks and not even now am I perfectly at ease with myself. However, I realize that what I might consider weird or unattractive in my looks: bony cheeks, triangular chin, slanted eyes (and I am 100% caucasian)some people might regard as beautiful. Ultimately, I guess all comes down to confidence. And speaking of the "not beautiful but intelligent" or "not conventionally beautiful but interesting" thing I know that I used to go crazy as a teen whenever people told me that. I remember wishing I could trade all my brains if I could be called beautiful. However, this year I almost strangled my former boyfriend when he called me "pretty but silly". I guess beauty values less for me now.

[Kat Sparks]

I can relate to what you are saying. This entry made me reflect on my own interest in fashion.

I have never felt "naturally beautiful", and because of that [possibly due to feelings of inadequacy] I developed a heightened interest in this particular means of expression. With fashion I could contort my image and assume various roles, regardless of the restrictions associated with untouched, stereotypical beauty. In a way, fashion has given me a sense of empowerment over my body.

Thanks for the great post!
And by the way, I think you're a hottie.

[tanya]

yep, that's it! I will forever love this site! This entry just made this blog a complete, and perfect love affair! I <3 u ms. bubble!

[susie_bubble]

Would it be really soppy and a little melodramatic if I said I cried when I read your comments....seriously... without sounding like a twat, I am overwhelmed by how many of you feel the same way and it just proves to me that I've managed to tap into a readership that gets what I'm jabbering on about.

Saskia: That's a surprisingly proactive attitude you had there when you were a teen. At least you did something to get the better of your illness..

Jennie: I can't say that that alienated feeling won't end once you're out of high school...but perhaps there are ppl that will just feel alienated all their lives and that is no bad thing...

Anon: A geek that dresses well....fooling people with fantastic outfits is fun isn't it?

Lou: Red hair is freaking gorgeous... take those things from the changing room and take them to a till I say...

Faux Faux Real: You're putting my boyf to shame with those compliments!

Masked Mannequin: People tend to assume that because I post so many pictures of myself...but they are my way of sharing ideas rather than saying 'Look at me!'. Again - red hair. gorgeous. enough said.

abs: I'm not that tall...around 5"7-8.... I guess tall for a Chinese girl.... though that sometimes has its disadvantages....

Una: You're right...I realise that at the end of the day, it is about the RIGHT people understand what I'm about rather than having everyone take to me. So in that respect I am lucky...

Anca: I have those silly moments too... and I so understand that thing about being called 'interesting looking'.... it's like 'So..you're saying I'm a freak?'

Kat Sparks: Yes, empowerment would be the key word!

Tanya: Thanks for the love ;)

[Nafisa]

I have found myself avoiding 'pretty' clothes because I feel my face not being pretty enough I would look like I were deliberately drawing attention to myself - and my ugly face- and just appear ridiculous. So instead my style has developed into this practical "I don't care about my apearance, I don't try, I just look smart"

Your dress sense is everything I admire from afar but seldom have the spirit to actually do myself...You have sooo many comments to read you have clearly struck a nerve, anyway here's my two cents.

The comment from Sammi in Canada made me feel very happy and gives some perpective.

hi Suzie...I love y our blog!

I had the extra problem of having an extraordinarily beautiful sister a year younger than me. She had the thick wavy hair, the perfect nose, the perfect heart shaped face. From the time we were very small everyone fawned over her. I was in the "quirky cute" category and quite a tomboy. A broken nose didn't help my appearance. High school was spent helping boys with homework, who in turn would ask her out for dates.

At a very early age, I developped an interest in beauty and fashion. Far more than any of my sisters, I worked hard at my appearance. I never went into fashion but I always worked to cover my "inadequacies". If I couldn't be beautiful, I could be the most stylish (hopefully) woman around. I dyed my red hair blonde, eventually did have my nose fixed, and worked hard to protect my few assets (now I appreciate my deadly pale skin).

Anyhow, I'm now 44. My younger sister is still more beautiful but now she is more sweet and humble after a serious weight gain. I still don't feel beautiful but on a good day I see the jolie and not the laide. On the days I see the laide, I try to see the interesting angles. I am very happily married with children, dogs and as full a life as I can. You see, I have a chronic disease, and it can really sap life out of you.

Suzie, you have a great life, a great bf, and I would rather be you and look like you, than any starlet out there.

You have brought beauty to many, and opened our eyes to beauty and intelligence in fashion.

[Nafisa]

Susie - I'm 5''2!! and not that attractive!! If you're ''not that tall" and and don't know you're georgous what hope is there for a squiggy "munchkin" -yes I've had it - like me?

p.s. I also got a tear.

[T-Rex]

Susie, we will never be able to truly see ourselves as others see us. So, you are just going to have to trust your family and friends when they tell you that you are beautiful. :-)

I was teased for being fat when I was a child. As a teenager and a 20-something, I was much closer to being conventionally pretty, yet I was surrounded by catty young women (and sometimes men) who let their own insecurities show by criticizing others.

Now I have a much more loving, supportive set of friends, and I am grateful for them every day. We truly, honestly find each other beautiful. It doesn't erase *all* of my insecurities, but it definitely helps.

[Amy]

Thanks for that really insightful and honest entry! Everyone has insecurities, but I think having a passion for fashion may aggravate them even more because fashion is all about image. On the other hand, fashion is also always one step ahead aestheically and redefines beauty. I am really intruigued and inspired by fashion personalities like Isabella Blow and Carine Roitfeld, both of whom you mentioned. Isabella is so strange looking, but her look pairs perfectly with her outfits. She's like a walking art work. And Carine, in every photo she is smiling a genuine smile, and she just looks so happy and confident. I think that gives her a type of beauty that transcends the beauty of "conventionally" attractive people.

[Caitlin]

I think a lot of people turn to fashion to cure insecurities. It's like an eating disorder - something you can control. I know i started to pay more attention to what i wore after a very debilitating semester surrounded by very...perhaps honest?... people. Two years later I'm obsessed with fashion, clothing, designers etc. and still never leave my house without make up. I think it's even harder being Asian because so much emphasis is put on beauty and if you don't match what is thought to be beautiful, no one hesitates to point out every flaw (many times over). I absolutely hate it.

I personally find you very pretty and cute too. :) I know that probably makes no difference though. When people call me cute i push it aside. I suppose criticism always shouts louder.